Menswear and the Changing Definition of Masculinity

Every once in a while I'll get on my soapbox regarding things that concern me. This falls under the "other nonsense" of my blog's tagline. If you don't give a toss about changing gender roles in the 21st century, please feel free to move on.

A recent interaction online was very interesting to me. In it, a young man assumed all sorts of things about me and my character, including that I dressed like James Bond but was not a "real man" as he was -- including the fact that I am a "fashion boy" and a gamer. I don't think he's aware that the character of 007 has changed throughout the decades and has always cared a lot about how well he dresses. He went on to beat his chest about serving in the military, that I've probably never shot any guns like he has, that I would be forever alone, and so on and so forth. It seemed too much like a stereotype and I almost felt like someone was playing a joke on me, but soon realized he was actually serious. Had he actually engaged me in conversation rather than going on the attack, he would have realized that I've been in an committed relationship for nine years (and will soon marry her), that I have in fact gone shooting but simply don't own any weapons myself, and that I respect the military but simply find the culture toxic. I tried finding common ground and attempting to ask why he had become such a nasty person, but it was to no avail.

The efficiently violent, sexually promiscuous James Bond is considered a bastion of masculinity to this day. However, contrary to some claims, the character has already been changing with the times for decades.

Puzzingly, this was all in reaction to me being frustrated about men who apparently don't know what consent is, as well as the incorrect claim that women cry rape every time a sexual experience doesn't go her way now. Such people don't appear to understand there is far more subtlety to these interactions than just disappointing sex, also that women are showing an increasing intolerance to men who try to coerce them into something they don't want. Just because consent is given doesn't mean it cannot be revoked. When a man pushes for sexual favours repeatedly when she has clearly indicated she doesn't want it, he is not respecting her. This goes not only for the Aziz Ansaris of the world who claim to be on the side of women but for anyone else.

What's fascinating is how many people within the online menswear community have similarly old fashioned ideas about masculinity. That we must not cry or show any emotion besides happiness and anger, pursue women as if we are on the prowl, etc. There is also a subset of the misogynistic pickup artist community who consider dressing well with some striking items to be "peacocking". That is, fulfilling the human equivalent of animals attracting a mate with vibrant displays of colour. That would all be good and well if all the other techniques employed by these men weren't so immoral and misleading. This is all despite how many self-styled "alphas" and "real men" believe being fastidious about sleeve length or various style details is effeminate or gay... as if either trait is negative. Gay or bisexual men, trans men, and men who adopt more feminine mannerisms are still all men. Nothing about them negatively affects me as a straight, cisgender man. At worst, I get a little more perspective from their experiences by talking to and befriending these men.

To me, there's nothing more masculine than being assertive with your own wardrobe choices, standing out tastefully from the crowd, respecting women, and furthermore respecting people whose sexuality or gender identity are not your own. There is no shame in being vulnerable, asking for help, or shunning traditionally masculine traits or hobbies in pursuit of what makes us happy. There's also no shame in being a virgin or simply asexual. Sexuality does not make or break a man. This does not mean we cannot defend ourselves or others when necessary, contrary to what one writer of The Federalist claimed when she disturbingly conflated pushy, "masculine" sexual aggression with self-defence in response to me.

The definition of masculinity is changing and we need to accept it sooner rather than later.

If you're interested in more in-depth analyses of modern masculinity and media, I highly recommend watching video essays from The Pop Culture Detective Agency.